Well I’ve had my first Fibro attack in my new job. It’s been so long since I’ve hurt myself badly that I’ve almost forgotten how overwhelming emotionally it is to go suddenly from productive and fairly content one day and to constant pain, sleeplessness, fatigue and mental distress the next.
It was really strange observing my brain function shut down (part of Fibro), it took me three attempts to make ice tea, something I do once a day and have the routine down. Before the flare up my partner had noticed I was having trouble coordinating the cooking so that everything was timed so it completed together. It’s things like this that are easy to forget about the most when the brain can cope when things are dormant.
This is where the stress of my job comes in. I made a small mistake in a database this week, my first cock up. It took me half a day to try and restore it using computer fixes. When in the end none of the ‘fixes’ worked I coped and pasted the data back in manually it took a 3rd of the time. (As is the way of computers) I was unable to maintain my mood, getting frustrated by the tiniest thing. This combined with a bad pain day reminded me why controlling the physical fatigue really does help my mental state, as my threshold for frustration is far lower otherwise.
I’ve been watching House for the first time and I’ve just started season three. For those who don’t watch it I’m going to spoil a little here so look away to the next paragraph if you don’t want to know. Watching House go from pain free and enjoying life to being slowly taken over by the pain once more (in the same leg I have) it is so close to what I go through it doesn’t even fit as a metaphor.
I do however have some hope. I worked from home for the first time this week in my whole life and I maybe getting assistance with travel from work. I told them about the issues and they came back with a change in contract, I have go over with them in details, but it seems they are going to try and reduce the strain so I can function better and keep the Fibro dormant.
It’s amazing to be in a company that actually gives a crap about you. I fought for three years to try and get that in Britain only to be turned down because they need 5-10 years to write a policy on anything worthwhile (especially if it means they have to pay for something). One month on the job here and all I have to do is text or call my PM and use my laptop from home. I raised an issue and they responded that week. They have it together here in Denmark, they really do.
It’s amazing how scared I was at opening up this soon into my position on my temporary contract. I was terrified of being dumped and then unable to make the bills once more. We were nearly homeless in December if it weren’t for this lifeline who know what would have happened. Not only did they come at the right time, but they are the right company for me. I don’t know how representative they are of Danish workplaces in general, but I do know I’ve landed on my feet here and I’m confident it will work out. The gamble to go all in and make the move paid off. Phew! Now I’ve just got to do it…
I offer these words for reflection…
