I have a newsletter with an NLP website called saladltd.co.uk and they gave some advice about ‘Closing the Year’ which I’ve incorporated into my annual review process. Last Year I did a resolutions list and I thought from now on it would be good to review that (starting today), see what I achieved and what I need to let go of before tomorrows look ahead for the future with my resolutions list for 2009. (There is some obvious overlap)
So below is a break down of the different categories I did last year with two themes of reflection: accomplishments/memorable experiences and things to let go of/don’t want in my life. Although you may see in the next paragraph that I intend to reduce the amount of time I spend here, there will be odd times when this is an appropriate place to put things I have written, or for me to visualise or analyse my life in order to better define my direction. But I only have so much time, energy and potential I can fulfil at any one time and it’s time for me to stop spreading myself so thin I get nothing done.
The resolution process last year certainly helped me crystallise my goals and I did manage to achieve some of the more major ones this year. I would recommend it to anyone. Over the years I’ve heard this all over the place, about different rituals people have or different names they call it. This is one technique that seems to have something to it. As it has been said before in more eloquent words, those who set a goal have more chance of achieving it than those who don’t.
So here is my offering, my Review for 2008:
Writing
It’s been an interesting year for me in the writing field and certainly different from years previous. I’ve discovered that the last 18 months have brought me out of myself. I was stuck in a very private writing world because I was working on something so big very little of what I was writing passed the perfectionist standards required before I could show someone something so personal. Writing for helium and the like helped me to burst this bubble.
In this year I’ve received my first royalty check, made the front page in Helium (October 2008). My journal and the blogging improved my narrative skills which helped me in the new prologue I wrote for the first book in my science fiction series (despite my sabbatical). I also wrote the first draft of the promotional eBook for the book I’m ghost writing. Most of all this year prepared me to face the real world of writing that I intend to venture into next year. The research I did this year and the personal challenges I went through in other aspects of my life gave me a quick book idea to churn out next year too. All in all not a bad year for writing and I suspect this is only the beginning, for I know the best is yet to come.
In order to achieve my plans for next year I intend to narrow my focus. I’m cutting down on public blogging and writing for the affiliates and use this time for short works, as too much effort is going into keeping the affiliates in sync, updated and advertised. I will continue to write in my diary to record things that are worth noting but the blook/blog project will be on hold and for exceptions like this post and those odd times where I have time and inclination, this will not be my focus this year. Also the ghost writing project might take a back seat as there are some delaying factors since the move and it’s been a while since I’ve had material to work from. It will get done but since I have another novel I can work on it might be good timing anyway. It’s not entirely out of the picture just a lower priority.
The sci-fi series I’ve realised now needs to be fleshed out better over the whole series, not just the first book. I need the event timelines for all viewpoints worked out before I can go further. So the writing of these books will go on hold and if I find time I can work on this structure and background work.
Photography
My main goal last year was to get my camera and I managed to do this. Not only that I even ventured out into the world and went on nature and location shoots. I have a lot to learn about the camera but through experimentation and study I’m picking it up. I also started playing with Photoshop, the Canon Raw Editor and Photo Stitch. I managed to set-up my prototype website and shop and defined more closely the business model I want once I’m ready to pursue it commercially.
However the backlog of photographs now is quite big and I had a lot left from my old camera as well. Because the focus next year will be more writing than anything else the gallery, store and website will be on hold. Once the writing site has been revamped in 2009 the same process will go on photography the year after (assuming nothing drastically changes in the meantime). The file backlog happened due to a virus, reinstallation and a loss of a external drive. So my data is scattered across many CD backups and computer hard drives and it needs a big sort out but I know it’s unlikely to happen next year around everything else.
Denmark/Home
As you may know we finally moved to Denmark into what can only be described as my dream house in the country. Although I gained friends, lost friends, faced homelessness and being broke whilst sick, I see this move as a turning point in my life. It helped me let go and go where life took me, rather than fighting my life constantly. Funnily enough I feel relaxed and have more energy. I also got a Job contract as a developer the day we ran out of rent. Not a bad Christmas present when you’re facing the unknown in the current financial climate. Not to mention the cool cat we adopted and whose life we were able to save before the winter set in.
Health
It’s been a topsy-turvy year for my health. I’ve had the full spectrum as usual, but I also found some middle ground of late, something I’ve been lacking recently. I read some Tony Robbins (Ultimate Power) and although it’s out of date I’ve been trying a few things and it’s so far been improving my sleep, pain and moods. (Also see the food section next) I managed to use some modelling/visualisations to cancel out what could have been a very painful experience. I want to do it again to be sure but every time I could feel the pain wanting to creep in I reminded myself of a time when I wasn’t in pain and somehow the pain left me. (I had to do it a few times to keep it going over the day, but it went quickly)
I also went through a depressive spell and a manic spell whilst being here in Denmark. But instead of relying on even more drugs and doctors (I had access to neither anyway) I reordered my thought patterns to create more resourceful states. I found out I was doing a lot of the skills in Ultimate Power without knowing it, or having a name for it. Now I can see what I’ve been doing I’m having even more success with them, not least of which was gaining my recent job offer. (See my new book once it gets here)
Also another thing I’ve decided is I no longer wish to define myself by my diagnoses. They are a medical model of me, I don’t have to limit myself by clinging to that idea of who I am. When I know I can put my mind to anything and can succeed, why succeed in perpetuating a sick persona? I want to just take each day as it comes and not forecast my decline in my mind and live life in the meantime.
The last thing I should note is that I’ve completely withdrawn from all my medications (including pain killers) because of the paperwork lag I’m not signed up to a GP yet in Denmark, so I ran out ages ago. It’s shown me that I can still function pretty well once I readjust to their absence. I may well keep their use to a minimum once I see my new GP and keep them for times when nothing else works.
I’ve come to see my clinging to sickness as a way of trying to escape reality. It’s not that I’m not sick on some level; it’s that I was using it as a buffer between me and the demands of reality. Now I’m willing to just face life, learn what it teaches me and move on to who I’m to become next, I can let go of sickness as a comfort blanket.
Food
I managed to have my most frugal Christmas and it felt great. Christmas in my family was always an overindulgence, so to have cooked and baked things from scratch (in fact I intend to bake some peanut butter cookies once I’m done here) without anything fancy and not feel any lacking was an achievement of sorts. I actually had mushroom pasta on Christmas day as the sauce goes with the left over pork we had. (We had a roast chicken on the 27th)
I’ve learnt recently (Ultimate Power) that certain food combinations send the stomach into over drive and this causes nervous energy and a lack of sleep (two of my main symptoms). I’ve been following just a handful of changes and I’ve noticed I can stay asleep so much better now. I’m still working on some ideas to help get to sleep and last night I had a small break through by focusing on how things sound and feel externally, not letting my mind chatter so much.
The food changes I’ve made if your interested are: stop having milk in cereal (this mean I don’t have it at all now as I don’t have milk in tea – most dairy apparently clogs up the lymph drainage system anyway), eat fruit on an empty stomach (it’s designed to go straight through and if eaten with other food it ferments in the stomach) and to not drink at meal time to reduce the load on the stomach. There are a few other considerations but since I’m mostly vegetarian they didn’t apply to me. It’s all about treating the stomach well in order to sleep well and therefore reduce pain because the central nervous system was able to reset during the night. I’m excited to see how this turns out over more time.
Social/Work
I’ve moved somewhat in my mind from being a complete loner to within promimity of a team. I’m tired of having too much work on my shoulders because I don’t want jobs where I collaborate with others for fear of criticism. Critique is how I learn. So I’m much more willing now to be more mindful and engaging with others, something I put down in my resolutions last year.
I also started to see my enemies as equals and teachers. Harbouring any ill will towards them because they hurt me only hurts us both. They have their lives to lead and their lessons to learn, just the same as me. We are just going in different directions is all.
I also want to stop projecting on other people my fears and negative associations so I can push them away. I need to face my inner demons, they don’t. I’ve been on the other end of that firing range so I know how it feels and I don’t wish to do that to people anymore.
Other
I’ve studied quiet a lot about Buddhist/Taoist philosophy and NLP this year and I’ve had quite a few revolutionary insights that have changed me rather deeply. I’ve also learned several songs on the guitar and even written a couple of my own.
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So as you can see it’s been an eventful year and this is just the stuff that came out of me tonight. One of my problems is I often underestimate just how much I do and therefore undervalue my work and myself. Just writing this tonight has been an experience I look forward to repeating year on year.
Have a great night tonight world and let the New Year bring us the change we need to be ourselves.
I offer these words for reflection…
